Welcome to Swords of Speirling. We are an original fantasy site, set in a fictional world divided into seven kingdoms. We are set in the Medieval-ish/Renaissance period of this world. We have 20+ playable races available, we have no word count, and we are rated mature. Our application process is simple and to-the-point and we are LGBTQ+ friendly, straight-/cisgendered-ally friendly, and ALL racial identities-friendly. We do believe in some order, but we don't take ourselves all that seriously. Jerks need not apply. It is currently WINTER.
We are currently searching for royal family members and military characters, particularly knights.
The initial post is a form of torture in it's own, and I don't know if it will get better or worse. This thread is M for Torture and god knows what else might happen. Fair warning.
**Edit: The further down this post gets the more it has suggestions towards sexual assault. Again. You've been warned!
Raine was surrounded by darkness, the only light bouncing off of soft flames as he watched Sirius leave him behind. Tears rolled down his cheeks, shock still written across his face for the sword in his stomach pinning him against that wall. It was so cold, and Raine felt so alone with only the sound of the demon to keep him company. The sounds echoed off the walls back at Raine as he stood there, trembling and in pain. 'Of course he'd leave you here, don't you get it? None of it is real. They've both left you the second you weren't what they wanted. That's not love. There is no love. It's not real, stupid kid. If someone loved you, they'd know you're not yourself. They'd know, because isn't that the lie people tell themselves? Love is beyond reason? They've done this before, haven't they? Used you, abused and hurt you just for what they wanted at that moment.'
Raine just wanted to block it out, for it to shut up or for any distraction from what it was telling him. All of these horrible things, all of the ways it pointed things out. The sword moved, creating another small painful cut. It did this a few times, as the demon had when it was real. The demon moving against it just to hear the way Raine screamed. This moment was something that would haunt him forever as it consumed his dreams over and over again. All he wanted in those moments was for someone to help him, for Sirius or Quinn to come and save him from himself here. To prove the demon wrong, but the darkness around him just got darker and darker. They weren't coming. Sirius had left him there to starve, Sirius wasn't coming back for him and Quinn had given up on him so quickly. No light in sight for him, just the bounding reflection of a different face on that glowing sword providing enough light to illuminate him and the crack in that wall he tried so hard to stay still against.
He was confused at the darkness at first, not remembering how he'd gotten here at all, or even where here was. None of it made sense, but then again, what really had made sense lately? Not a whole lot, so maybe he was just going to have to take it as crazy as it was. The flicker of flame caught his attention, and it drew his gaze. It was enough to realize that he wasn't alone, and was that Sirius walking away? Quinn stared for a moment, not sure if he should follow or not when a sound on the other side of the area made him look. A look that had him wide-eyed in horror. Raine was stuck to the stone wall of this place with a sword sticking out of him.
And holy hell, he knew that sword pretty well. It belonged to Sirius— who had just left. What the fuck? Then the words that he heard -- in his head? -- that were in Raine or something that had Quinn's eyebrows furrowing. The content of those words bothered him, made him ache when he had thought there wasn't much left to hurt. Or so he had thought, maybe he had hoped it. It didn't matter now, because he knew it was still happening to him. He wanted to scream, but he couldn't manage a sound yet. It was too much all at once and how could he be blamed for this? For not knowing what was wrong with Raine when there had been so many changes about the vampire in such a way that was it insane to ask him what was wrong?
He'd been so happy when he had thought Raine was trying to be what he so desperately needed in a mate, and then it had all been ripped away in such a cruel way, with such harsh words. Quinn had been devastated, and now all Raine could think of was that he hadn't seen what was wrong right off? He didn't see how the fuck he should be blamed for that after everything. So much for real and love indeed. Of course Quinn wasn't sure where the line crossed for Raine and the demon and honestly he was unsure he was ready to know. Yes, Quinn was sure that he would have to ask those hard questions, but he wasn't exactly sure that he was that brave right now. To risk more pain right now.
He was already pretty messed up by all of this. Worse, when he heard the sound, and then the way Raine screamed. That was what snapped Quinn out of it and made him rush over and yank the sword out of Raine, tossing it to the ground and reaching for Raine; devastation clear on his face despite the darkness creeping around them. "Raine." His voice cracked as he folded the vampire closer into his arms. Yes, Quinn was messed up and angry about so many things, and he hurt from so much that had happened; but to have seen Raine like that? Quinn couldn't help but want to reach for the vampire, to save him from whatever was going on. Even if he didn't know how. Even if he was still upset and hurting.
Raine didn't like the thoughts being thrown at him any more than Quinn seemed too, he didn't like the way they echoed around him and consumed him right here and now. They were not his own, and he had tried so hard for so long not to listen to them. He couldn't escape them anymore, not after a week of it shoving these things down his throat and punishing him when he denied it. Raine felt so trapped even now, like the creature was still there. Perhaps that was why it consumed his dreams and kept him hiding away waiting for Quinn or Sirius to come to him? Perhaps he was just hoping that they would. That they'd prove to him they cared, and wouldn't abandon him any longer? It felt so futile though.
Raine wanted love to be real, he wanted it to exist with him and the other two men in his life. He'd almost given up, again, when that figure came in cutting out the sounds echoing. They stopped, almost immediately as this distraction caught him off guard. The sword was removed, but Raine didn't react beyond looking at Quinn with shock - and appreciation. He ached himself, in so many more ways than physically. His emotional suffering was everything in this moment, and Quinn being here to save him from it all did make him momentarily feel better. The darkness stayed around them, but Quinn's face was perfectly visible against it all. The sound of Quinn's voice, had Raines face turning from the initial shock into something more pained.
He hurt, he hurt all over and he needed Quinn. Quinn had been avoiding him so much lately, and Raine knew that. Vaguely remembered the demon wasn't actually here anymore, but this all felt so real... His arms went around the other mans figure and he broke down into more sobs. Since the creature had left Raine still heard its cruel words echoing in his head, day and night. Wake or sleep. It hadn't mattered that it was gone, and the more Quinn had avoided him the more it consumed him. That's what Quinn was seeing here, the way everything was still gripping Raine. This wasn't over with the demon gone, it wasn't over by a long shot.
"It hurts. I want it to stop, it hurts so much."
The words came out through his sobs, because he couldn't hold it back anymore - not with Quinn actually here to hold him. He didn't care if this was real or not, it felt real and he needed it so desperately. Raine's shape was trembling here, much like it did on the outside. Sweat was clinging to him and his sheets, but he didn't wake. His mind wouldn't let this end, wouldn't let him realize it for anything other than real. He needed it - he needed someone.
Raine's wound from the sword did not bleed, and would not unless Raine himself realized there was an issue here. The logic was missed by the distraction Quinn was providing here, the distraction he needed so much. "It's not gone, it won't go away." More words through his sobbing and Raine wasn't able to hold himself up anymore. He let himself fall to his knee's staying leaned against Quinn as softer words escaped. "Make it stay away, please..."
He knew he had been avoidant, but he hadn't been able to face everything that had happened. The domino effect on all the events up to this point that still hurt and messed with Quinn's head. To talk to Raine would be to tear out all those carefully sewn on stitches to try and keep the emotional wounds he had from it all closed. He'd have to re-open them all and inspect them again in a new light, and Quinn hadn't been ready for that. He still wasn't, because he had no idea what that would mean. To him, to the fragile life he had been starting to build here. How many times had it been chipped away at so far? Was was even left of it at this point? It didn't feel like there was much holding it all up, and Quinn was afraid to ask would be to kick it all down.
Going near it at all -- near Raine -- would be like poking at all the wounds recently created, and Quinn wanted to avoid that. It wasn't easy; it was downright painful in ways he didn't want to explain. And that mixed in with what was going on -- or not going on -- with Sirius had made Quinn shatter in a way that he wasn't ready to discuss, either. He wasn't sure what anyone picked up on, because he scrubbed himself raw before he returned to the manor to wash away the scents that might cling to him. Washed it all away and hunted animals to bathe in their blood and mask any lingering scents that he might have carried still. Quinn still wasn't sure if he came home stronger or more fractured for it, but he didn't stop.
Going that far would have never happened if Raine hadn't opened that door for him and gave him a reason to walk through it in the first place. Or maybe that was the demon and it had won another round in breaking them. Quinn wasn't sure which was better or worse, and so he had been withdrawn so he didn't find out. Mostly, though? So he didn't ask, because he knew that he would if he got too close, if the reason presented itself. Curiosity kills cats, and Quinn was too feline not to let curiosity win out, even when he didn't want it to. And in this case, he did not want it to. Not yet. But he knew that it would anyway. It always did. History showed this very clearly to him, and there was nothing to do but try to avoid it.
But there was no avoiding this. Quinn couldn't stomach the idea of what had been done to Raine, the pained look in the vampire's eyes. He was hearing the sobs and trying to hold himself together and struggling with it. He held to Raine, hearing the words and making a mournful sound in his throat. He didn't know what to say, and he wished he did. "I'm here now," he whispered, clinging to Raine and trying to be comforting. Quinn wasn't good at this, not when he was falling apart on the inside as well. More words, then Raine had fallen to his knees, and Quinn tried soothing hushing sounds, rubbing Raine's back gently, "I'm here." He repeated quietly, pressing his face to Raine's hair and trying to compose himself.
Raine hadn't intended to open new doors for Quinn when he was trying to harden himself, it had never been his intention. He wanted to be able to handle Quinn, that was it. He wanted to be what Quinn wanted him to be, to accept the man for everything he was. Even so, it seemed like Quinn wasn't ready to accept Raine, not with the way he had been avoiding. It hurt Raine a lot to think on what the creature had broken, what had been taken from him. Raine probably would have done what he had there again if it wasn't for the trauma that would now follow those actions for ever. What had been a chance to be closer to Quinn, to join him in that darkness, had let it consume him. He was terrified of that ever happening again, of ever losing control over himself in that way again.
Raine would have been horrified if he smelled anything on Quinn to suggest it happening more, so the fact he'd been covering it thus far was a good thing. Raine was too traumatized for that right now. Maybe one day he'd get over the fact Quinn was doing it, but he would never do such a thing again. The attempt to harden himself had backfired in so many horrible ways. It left him broken and empty inside. He needed this comfort, he needed it to be real on so many different levels.
The distraction Quinns presense provided was a good one for the few moments it was lasting, but the way Quinn began to comfort him made him ache more rather than less. Quinn was saying he was here, but he wasn't. Quinn hadn't been there since Raine was back, and that hurt him so deeply. It shoved the emotional knife further and Raine couldn't seem to believe these things. The sound of a deeper darker voice echoed again, and Raine's body trembled even more. Lies. He's not here, he's never been here. It's not real, don't you get that?
Raine felt the way Quinns face was in his hair, and it felt real but the words echoing around made it so hard to take in. Raine's head shook, first trying to block out the words, but it was impossible. "Not..Real.." the words were quiet and scratchy through his softening crying. It wasn't real, nothing was real. Pain was real. Hurt, the devistation from realizations running through him. Those were real, but this? This was a cruel way to hurt him later, wasn't it? That's what the demon was telling him, convincing him. Suddenly there was more pain, and Raine toppled forward the feeling of something peircing his back. He couldn't move, and behind him stood Sirius again. Where had he come from?
Sirius was moving towards Quinn now, leaving Raine behind to cry alone. A hand from the older vampire moving to Quinn's cheek. 'Why are we here, Tarquin? Why are we wasting energy on a kid who's never going to grow up or be strong? How can he love you, he doesn't understand you. He's too weak and afraid to understand you.' Raine stayed on the ground, the wood sticking from the bottom of his back. He sobbed, but he didn't try to fight it. He didn't argue the words, because he had been convinced by now it was true. Raine wasn't capable of loving Quinn the way he needed it, and that hurt in so many ways. It hurt because it meant what he had to offer Quinn was just as false as what Quinn provided him. "Not..Real.." The words were there, echoing even though Raine's lips did not move any more and the only sounds from his body was sobbing.
All the things that Quinn did not want to hear. He didn't want to know the truth of when and how the demon had gotten a hold of Raine. How much that Quinn had done thinking it was Raine when it wasn't, and how much really had been Raine. How much could have been Raine and never could be again. Quinn wouldn't want to know how close they'd been and how far away it was again; it was worse than never getting that far at all. Perhaps that was one of the things that Quinn was so afraid of finding out. As much as he didn't like the fact that he had been strung along by a demon using Raine's body, it would be so much worse to find out it had been real and the demon had stolen that away from them.
And Quinn would always worry that Raine might end up in that spot before; open to some demon looking for a body to wear. If Raine had been gotten before, what was to say the vampire wouldn't again? And then what? To open back up to Raine and find it all shoved back in his face later again? Quinn had so many concerns over all of it, and he honestly did not know what to do with that. He had so much to deal with outside of the possession that the demon had only fucked with more, and Quinn wasn't okay. He wasn't sure how to even get back to being okay again. He felt so damn isolated, and there were too many people around him for that. Two that should be close to him, and no matter proximity, Quinn still felt so far away.
Quinn knew that staying away from Raine wasn't doing good things for the young vampire, but how could Quinn go to him with all these questions he didn't even want the answer to and push Raine's mind back into that hellhole it had been forced into for over a week now? That wasn't really going to help anything, wouldn't help Raine heal and move on from it; to keep dredging it back up. But this was Quinn, and he would because he couldn't help it. He would need to know. And he hated himself for that fact. He didn't like where this was going, no matter what it was -- just another nightmare in the long list of recent nightmares? -- because it was cutting a little too deep with each and every second he was here and holding Raine.
Not real. Quinn heard those words loud and clear, despite the quiet of them and the crying. They hit Quinn harder than he expected them to, but for so many reasons that he knows they weren't exactly meant as. This wasn't real. Any of it. Not this moment or the next, and not the little bits of whatever was left to them. It wasn't real and Quinn had been dragging it out long enough. He didn't know how to stop, didn't know how to let go. He didn't want to. Raine was toppling forward as if foreshadowing something, and Quinn halted in reaching out at the sight of Sirius there. His gaze flicked to the stake in Raine's back, and then to Sirius; confusion staining his expression as Sirius moved closer to him.
The touch to his face and Quinn stared at Sirius in uncertainty. He heard the words and they seared through him, cutting at his insides. Raine had spoken again to say it wasn't real, but it was the nail to the coffin of where Quinn's thoughts and feelings were churning. Everything was breaking, everything was crumbling and hurting. The look he was giving Sirius was strained and pleading; desperation and crushing defeat, "I know," a breathless whisper; the brokenness in his voice was like shards of acid laced glass against his throat. It hurt to say it, more than he could express in words and the way he was holding his own throat as if it were bleeding out to simply have spoken the words at all.
Knowing what was taken from him did hurt far more than having never gotten that close to begin with. At least then, Quinn had still been affectionate in some ways. Now everything was just spinning and painful. He felt numb in all the wrong ways, and he couldn't bring himself back. Not fully, at least. He was trying, he really was - but no one had been there for him aside from the one who took the demon out. He had been crying alone since he was returned to the right place in his body, and it hurt so much more than having someone to just cry to. That's all he needed, anyway. No words, just an arm around him so he could let it all fall out.
Raine himself was just as defeated as Quinn seemed to be, and his body trembled in that bed as the dream progressed. He couldn't stand this, the way it was all turning. He felt his blood run cold, yet his skin was still so warm. He wanted to love Quinn, he wanted to share himself with the other man but the words still echoed in his mind. There was so much damage, and the sound of acceptance from Quinn had been the end of it. He wanted that stake in his heart, not his back. "Please...no more..." The words were a high picked cry, one that Sirius responded too. Sirius reached down and removed that stake, pushing Raine back to see those broken eyes. His hand went back to prepare to lunge that piece of wood through him, but Raine was suddenly awake.
Deep heavy and rigid breaths were all he could manage, his body too shaken to move for several moments. There was a weight over his chest holding him down for several moments, feeling like no matter how much air he took in his lungs refused to work. He lay like this for several minutes before he realized it was all a dream- but it felt so real. It hurt so much.. He was awake from that alone, and that hurt too. There was a soft whine, but he repressed anything further by way of noise. The tears still found themselves on his face as his trembling sweaty form moved from the bed and too the door. Deeper snivvly breaths before he slowly pushed open the door to the room Sirius and Quinn had been in.
He couldn't do this anymore, he couldn't stay alone anymore. He didn't want words, just the feeling of their touch. He didn't think he was asking for all that much. Silently he closed the door behind him and made his way to the bed, crawling up from the middle like a child between the two, laying curled to face Quinn and feel Sirius against his back. His eyes were closed tight, trying to fight the tears that were still falling. Each breath he took was deep, trying to hold back the sounds that threatened to escape with them. It was likely that they'd both feel the way he trembled, possible that shaking would wake them up on its own, but he didn't care anymore. He needed this. He didn't say a word, and tried his best not to make a sound.
There was more that Quinn wanted to say, but he couldn't form the words. It wasn't working, and all he could do was stare at them, feeling heartbroken and resigned. He struggled with the words he couldn't say, hearing the way that Raine had asked that there be no more, that high pitched cry. Quinn's jaw clenched, and he saw the way Sirius had reached down and removed the stake, they way Raine was pushed back. The way the stake was raised had Quinn's eyes widening, and Quinn rocked his body forward, but Raine was already gone. Quinn could only stare at the spot that the young vampire had been in, not knowing how to take that sudden vanishing of Raine. Quinn slumped forward, gaze listlessly turning to where Sirius had been.
He was alone now. Quinn wrapped his arms around himself, just silent in the face of all of this. The words were still there, locked in his throat, though there was no one there to tell them to anyway. He wanted to scream, but even that seemed pointless. He felt as if he were weighed down by lead, and his mind played out the last few minutes over and over before the dream faded away and Quinn all but startled awake. He went still and stared up at the ceiling, trying to force himself to go back to sleep. He could feel the warmth of Sirius beside him, and he tried to let that soothe him back to sleep. He didn't want to move and wake Sirius by it. He'd been trying not to wake the vampire during any of the last nightmares he had.
Quinn just did not know that this one was different. What he did know, after he had closed his eyes to try and drift back off to sleep was that the bedroom door had opened, and someone was crawling up the bed between them. Raine. Quinn felt the way his heartbeat jittered at that realization, and he kept himself still, not quite sure how to react right now. It seemed so strange to have had that nightmare and then end up with Raine crawling into bed with them. Why now, of all times? Why just after that nightmare while Quinn was still hurting, still defeated by the message of it? And even now Quinn could feel the trembling of the young vampire, and it made him think of how Raine had looked in the nightmare.
Thinking about how Raine had looked wasn't a good thing, though. It was haunting him now; maybe more with Raine being right here beside them. Quinn didn't move, didn't open his eyes yet. He was aware that the opinion of dreams were to try and work out the problems of one's waking hours, but Quinn didn't like the way it had gone. He didn't think that his mind would go quite that way. He knew what he would have rather have gone on in his mind, but he was still drowning in the way Raine had said it hadn't been real and the way Quinn's mind had taken it. The things that had been said. The words that were still there, caged behind his lips. And then, because he wanted to see if he could say it, "But I don't care," they came with a sigh.
Raine still felt the weight of that dream on his chest even now as he had crawled into bed with Quinn and Sirius. He didn't want to speak or move or do anything. He didn't want to say the wrong things, and certainly couldn't handle hearing the wrong things. What he wanted as a feeling of security, to feel safe with the two most important people in his life right now. He didn't have anywhere else but here and he needed them right now. So desperately, he needed them both.
Raine had no clue how reall all of that actually was, even if it felt as real as it did. He didn't know any better than that, so he wasn't aware of whatt Quinn had just experienced. He wasn't aware of that at all as he climbed trembling into that bed. He certainly wasn't aware of it when he heard three words come out of Quinn's mouth. He felt more flushed, more dizzy from the sound of those words. Why? Why was he saying that here and now, after everything that just happened in his dream? The trembling became heavier, more like the shaking of someone who was crying and he slowly sat up from the bed. Quinn didn't care. Quinn never cared, just like he'd been told...
Silently he moved, climbing down from the bed. He couldn't do this, either. He couldn't do any of it anymore. It was too much, and he didn't want to feel. He didn't want this to have all been fake, and to think that Quinn did not love him as he loved the other. The pain and grief for what had been lost due to the demon was never ending, and Raine couldn't escape it. He was never going to be rid of that creature, no matter where it was now. He walked out of the room absently, feeling so outside of himself it was nerv wrecking - yet every action was his own. Each step with as much intention as the last. Raine couldn't stay here any longer, couldn't bare to be around them like this any longer. He didn't care if either of them followed him out of the house, he wasn't turning back. He couldn't. It hurt too much to be near them after those words, because Raine cared. He cared so much, and it was breaking him even more inside.
He was able to say it, finally, which was a relief. Not that he really thought that a nightmare could hold him back from speaking once he'd woken from it, but still. There had been a lot of intense feelings going on, and there still were. Quinn had needed to say it for his own sake, to hear them and see if they rang as true as he felt it. They did. Of course Quinn was perplexed that the trembling from Raine was worse, and he could feel the bed shifting to indicate that Raine had sat up. This had Quinn's mouth pulling down into a frown, and his eyes opened when he realized that Raine was climbing down from bed. What? Really? Raine had come in here, crawled into bed, and upon hearing Quinn speak, he was leaving?
What the actual hell? Quinn couldn't make any sense of what just happened, though he noticed that Sirius was looking at him, which had Quinn quirking and eyebrow and then shrugging in confusion over what just occurred. Then he was moving to get up as well with a "I need to deal with this," said to Sirius before walking out of the room to go and catch up with Raine. The young vampire had gotten down the hall a fair deal before Quinn moved swiftly to catch up with Raine, reaching out to grab Raine by the wrist and moving right into the vampire's path. Quinn was invading Raine's space until the vampire's back was up against the hallway wall and Quinn was staring him down. He couldn't wrap his mind around what went on in there just now.
But he was going to figure out what the issue was, and what just happened in there. "What the hell was that about? You decide to suddenly get up close and personal and then you realize I'm awake and you just leave? Would you like to explain any of that?" Quinn looked riled, but in a muted kind of way right now. Still, he wanted answers. He wanted to say a lot of things, honestly. "You broke my heart, Raine. Or that thing did, but it doesn't really matter because it's still broken." He took a breath and let it out, "You aren't the only one hurting right now. We all are. Maybe I'm dealing with it the wrong way, but I still don't even know how much we've lost. I don't know which parts were you and which ones weren't. I don't know what we are." Quinn looked downright miserable at this point, saying what he did. But it had to come out eventually. Might as well be now.
Raine couldn't comprehend the idea of what Quinn had said to mean anything good, to be continued from his nightmare in any way. All he could comprehend from it was what had actually been said, and the weight of that was too much for him. It wasn't Quinn speaking that had him walking away, it was what Quinn was saying. He hadn't expected Quinn to follow him in all honesty. He was a bit surprised to feel the hand on his wrist - it was enough to make him pause and watch the way Quinn was infront of him. Then Quinn was moving and Raine was being made to back away, and he did not like the feeling this was putting in the pit of his stomach.
Emptiness turned to fear when he felt the way Quinn had him pushed against the wall, his heart racing against it. Raine had seen this before from Quinn, and it had him trembling even more with tears still falling down his face. Quinn shown him this in a memory, the memory at the base of why Raine had tried to harden himself to these things. Quinn had been heart broken by Connor, and he had not let Connor go in those moments. Words from Quinn, and Raine's heart was also falling apart with this. Raine didn't break Quinns heart, though. He never wanted that, he never wanted to say those terrible things. Raine knew he wasn't the only one hurting, but god damn it he still hurt so fucking much. He hurt in ways he didn't think they could fathom, because how could anybody?
Raine wanted to say something, anything, but the weight that had been in his chest was moving up to his throat and he couldn't get anything out. There was a soft whimper, and nothing more because he didn't think crying right now would help him in any way. No, instead wide eyes wild with fear and broken with sadness stared at Quinn from his trembling form. So many thing the demon had tried to spoon feed him were being pulled to the surface, so many things he couldn't be sure of.
There were certain points in Quinn's life that he doesn't talk about. Parts that Quinn didn't like to think about and dredge up in his mind. He doesn't think he's ever told anyone that he'd been possessed once. Chillmaw had wanted to show off her neat little tricks, and Quinn had not been amused. But it had been an offered power and possession could come in handy. He'd let it go, because it had seemed quite harmless at the time, no matter how messed up it had felt to be in that position. So Quinn sent that to the back of his mind to pretend it hadn't happened. It doesn't help that with time he had come to realize it had actually happened twice, and the second time he'd been physically violated.
That was how Samandriel had been created, but even in finding out, Quinn hadn't been able to stomach the idea of asking for details. He had decided that he didn't need to know, and he'd been mercifully blacked out to whatever Chillmaw had been doing to him. She hadn't wanted him to see for a reason -- his anger and retaliation of course, because even that ancient creature had known how far he was willing to go when slighted -- and so Quinn had gone on, oblivious for such a long, long time. Eventually she had found him again and he'd confronted her, snapping and snarling and seething, despite the fact that his body had been too broken and weak to lash out at her, and she had pretty, ego soothing words about him having been the only one worthy enough at the time.
There was more to the story and of course there always would be, but that hadn't been the last time he had seen Chillmaw, and he'd been much stronger the last time around. Quinn had manipulated her body and altered her into male form and proceeded to talk her into giving him what he wanted; but even for a masochist, sex was a little difficult when one was being impaled on body spikes. He'd bled everywhere but he didn't regret it. Quinn had stopped knowing how to be rational at that point, and for over a thousand years he had seen Chillmaw as something close to a friend, and it had made the situation sketchy at best. It was also just another reason why he was so sure all friends eventually betrayed him.
A witch had literally switched bodies with him once -- a big part of why he hated witches, though there was more to it than that -- and that had cost a good deal to both him and Sirius when all was said and done. Quinn still had no idea what the witch had used his body to do, and he never actually bothered to try and find out. Probably nothing good, nothing he would like, so he left that well enough alone. The witch had died quickly in the end, back when Quinn was still uncomfortable with torture, but she had used Quinn's body to stab Sirius, and those scars had remained. It was not an easy thing to think about, nor was the cost of getting switched back. Yeah, Quinn had been through some shit that Raine didn't even know. So had Sirius.
These were things that shouldn't be unsettled, that should remain dusty on a shelf of Quinn's mind. Left alone, untouched. Going there might only make things worse, and they were all already scraping at the bottom lately, it seemed. But Quinn still wanted his answers, still wanted to know enough about what happened to Raine to be able to understand, process, and move on. To be able to bury all of this in the back of his mind someday, when he was able to do that. It might take a long time, but it would never be put to rest if Quinn was still questioning it. Yet Quinn could smell the fear on Raine, could see the tears falling down the vampire's face. The whimper had his body reacting, unbidden, and with everything else, Quinn couldn't help that reaction.
His hips rolled forward against Raine, his scent spiked with arousal, aggression and wariness. After all the things he had been getting up to recently, he was having some difficulty in the struggle to hold himself back. He leaned in closer, dipping his head down to lick a warm path up Raine's throat. "You taste like fear," he purred, bracing his arms on either side of Raine, palms flat against the wall and giving Raine a searing look. "You need to start answering me, because I'm not letting you go until you do, and I really need to run this feeling off before it's no longer an option." The words were low, nearly a growl at this point. Quinn wanted answers, but the way Raine was reacting? It was really getting to him.
There was no way for Raine to have known that Quinn was ever possessed before because he had never been told, never been shown those things. In some ways, maybe if he knew he would feel less alone in all of this. He would feel more incline to talk about what happened and all the awful things he felt. Right now, though? It was too hard even without Quinn being this scary. He couldn't seem to keep the air in his lungs, he couldn't breathe even though the air was coming in and out all too fast. He wasn't ready for this from Quinn, he couldn't handle this right now. He felt the way that Quinn reacted to the sound that had already escaped unwanted, and it was making it harder to hold the rest of it in. The weight of Quinn against him wasn't the way he felt about it when Quinn wasn't like this, when he himself wasn't like this. No, this weight was making everything so much more traumatizing, and he wanted to shrink into the wall away from the arms that kept him trapped there.
Quinn was leaning down and Raine retreated from it as far as he could when he felt that warmth on his skin. Words from Quinn and Raine was feeling sick. He could see where all of this was going, and it hurt so much more to know that this was how Quinn was reacting to everything. Yes, Raine definitely tasted of fear. He probably reeked of it too, especially feeling and smelling everything from Quinn right now. It was all he could do to hold his breath and not let those sounds escape, but Quinn was speaking again.
Answer what? What questions hasd been asked exactly? Raines mind couldn't keep up for the fear clouding him. He hurt so much and he tried to tell Quinn he couldn't, he wasn't ready. His mouth opened for words but the only thing that escaped was cries and sobs as he tried to retreat further into the wall. Words did finally come out with the crying, but they probably weren't what needed to be said... No, they were definitely the opposite of what needed to be said in fact. "Qu-inn ple-ase stop."
There were some things that seemed better left unspoken, and Quinn's brushes with being possessed had happened a long time ago, long enough to be forgotten by most if they'd known -- but they hadn't -- and in a more secluded way where no one would find out. Chillmaw had done it to protect her own secrets and reasons, and Quinn hadn't said anything to most due to the blow to his ego to admit to it. That was something he hadn't felt all that willing to bruise at the time. He still didn't want to open himself up to that, and certainly not to Raine, when he had lived through what delicate information could do to him, how it could hurt him when it was twisted and thrown back in his face. No, not even for common ground would he give that up.
The scent of fear was heavy, pungent, and probably enough that any non human in the manor could smell it. Quinn wasn't sure where Greyson was at the moment, but nor did he care. He would be well within his rights to mangle the werewolf if it tried to step in and mess with what was Quinn's, so he wasn't too concerned about that possiblity. And he did not let his thoughts sway to what Sirius would think, because Quinn no longer felt sure of Sirius where Raine was concerned. And it was a bitter feeling. One he wasn't ready to inspect too closely just yet, because he feared what he might find. It was a new feeling, and it did not sit well with him. Yet feeling any of that at all was painful, because Quinn had been the one to push for more. He just didn't expect more in one way would mean less in another
It was strange how his mind jumped from one thing to another when a memory was triggered. When something important tingled at the back of his mind and nudged it's way to the forefront of all that was going on. There had been so many changes in all of them lately, but some things still remained. Vital pieces of self. Raine had a front row seat to the understanding of what all this fear and those sounds did to Quinn, so there was no way for Raine to not know where this was headed. All the cries and sobbing that edged Quinn along more, though he was trying to repress it to get those answers he sought. Trying not to do anything too rash before Raine had a fair chance to even begin to take that verbal step in the right direction.
But Raine hadn't. Instead, Raine was begging him to stop. On one hand, he was either numb to that kind of thing by now or it urged him on. On the other, something about it being Raine saying it to him now had snapped something within Quinn. Because certain points in history had a nasty way of revisiting and slapping a person in the face. That was what was happening here and now. There was a dangerous glint in Quinn's eyes, and it surpassed the aggression and frustration into something else, "You promised. You promised you judas," he sneered, eye narrowed and lips peeling back from his teeth as he leaned near Raine's ear; "Liar!" he snarled it lowly through his teeth, the sound gutteral and feral.
He knew about the nightmares, to some extent. When he was stirred by that small movement, so hypersensitive to the other creature besides him, he did his best to seem as if he hadn't woken at all. The other was settling back in to go back to sleep, so he decided not to do more than shift slightly closer as if it were an absent movement. It was probably best not to ask what those dreams were about, what startled him awake like that. Sirius would rather he went back to sleep and didn't have to think about those things as long as possible, even if he himself would stay awake for awhile to make sure that he didn't simply sit there all night mulling over them alone.
Sirius had learned long ago it was best not to pry if the information wasn't readily offered or getting in the way of things. This was why, when the door opened and he tensed slightly, he didn't move or speak after realizing it was Raine. The other was crawling on to the bed, sliding in between their bodies with those soft, sniffling sounds that said he was probably crying as much as he might be trying to hide it. As odd as it made him feel, conflicted and almost awkward, Sirius simply kept up with pretending to sleep and didn't mention it. Didn't say a word. Just...accepted it, and prepared with the realization he would have to wake up to him as well.
Then Tarquin spoke, and that seemed to change. He was confused, but said nothing. Only staring across the body of the young vampire with a questioning look, but he knew neither would notice it in this position. Then Raine was leaving, words from the Sidhe about dealing with it as Sirius sat up to watch him leave. There was a light sigh, and he laid back down. Honestly, he wished Raine had gotten further away before he was caught up to. The older man pulled one of the many pillows over his head, trying to drown out the sound of their conversation. That was a generous term, considering only one of them was really talking.
He didn't want to think about these things right now, to consider himself what the other male was talking about. Hurting. What was the demon and what wasn't. Beyond the words there were also scents, and the one that stood out the most was the fear. Raine was afraid, more than he felt he should have been in that moment. It brought things back to him, things that were easier to think about than what was going on between them all, and he could smell those changes in Tarquin as well from here. He moved the pillow away, laying on the bed and listening to the threats offered. More fear, and he breathed deeply of it.
His heart rate spiked, but it was from excitement. He was torn between wanting to save Raine and wanting to make use of this opportunity. How long had it been for them, now? Compared to how long he usually went without the other male near him it didn't hold a candle, but they had come so close several times just to have the other male turn away from him in the end. He understood, never pushed beyond it, but it was difficult once he that ball had gotten rolling. Sirius could hear the choked sobs, the pleading and broken words, and the idea came that maybe he could just accomplish both of his wants at once.
Raine was in no condition for this treatment. Especially if that trail of bodies hadn't really had anything to do with him, and was all the demon's handy work. Sirius couldn't stop himself from interfering now, caught between the two sides of his existence; His mind and his body. As he pulled himself from the bed and set off across the room, his teeth set in to his bottom lip brought the scent of blood in to this. The taste only excited him more, regardless of it being his own. He pulled the door open, stepping out in to the hall to take in the sight of the other men farther down.
Tarquin should have noticed him by now. Did he need to say anything? His eyes held the weight of his own intentions, ignoring Raine and focusing on the other male. There was anger in the sidhe's face now too, words that made little sense to him, so he opted to open his mouth finally. "Tarquin..." The name was spoken low, weighed down with the burning thoughts rolling over in his head at seeing the way he had the other male pinned. He kept the concern out of it, the fear of what might happen to the younger vampire if his invitation wasn't taken. The expression on his face was almost...predatory. Sharp and eager, beckoning the other to come to him.